Please come visit me over on blogger. Thanks!
I've moved back to my original blog.
Please come visit me over on blogger. Thanks!
I'm dragging my way through a heavy funk... so here (in no particular order) are some of my home remedies for depression.
What gets you through? & keeps you connected?
cut out & colored from a church bulletin
back from my days at St. Mary's Episcopal church in Rockport, Mass.
sincerely treasured all these years because it is true
I made my goal weight!
and, whoah, this weight at 30-something post-baby looks and feels a lot different than it did at 20-something pre-baby.
so I've got some more work that I want to do. but for now...
I ordered my first bikini!
I haven't worn one since I was 2 years old (it was striped too & appears to be terry cloth - my mom has the photos).
I guess I've always been too self-conscious to wear one but you know what? I have earned every little bit of tone in my muscles & every centimeter of stretch mark. I have a strong little body. Time to show that I'm proud of it - of me!
Old Navy is having a swimwear sale.
Go check it out for your hot mama bod.
This year would have been my father's 60th birthday (if I've got the dates right). I've been seeing him a lot lately in men of a certain age around my neighborhood. Men with bushy white hair & beards, tan faces & limbs, in easy summer clothes. Relaxed confident men casually steering a sailboat through the channel or coolly strolling down the sidewalk.
The new moon anchored the word "earth" in my mind the last couple weeks & influenced the full moon dreamboard. The image in the center of the board is a symbol for earth (a color copy of a ceramic tile). The flowers & such I collected on my walk home from work yesterday. The woman runner is carried over from last month. She loves the sound of her own breathing when she's working out hard. Me too.
For me, the word "earth" is about remaining present & engaging in real life. It means taking care of my body - feel the ache of early morning stiffness & the release of a good stretch, eat healthfully, breathe deeply. It means arrive prepared and contribute. It means pause - to enjoy wind against my skin & the strong scents of summer blossoms. It means hold your tongue - don't be so quick with a joke when maybe someone has pain or frustration that just wants to be seen, even for a moment.
I just keep bringing my mind back into my body, back into real life. It's both staying still, to acknowledge what's right here, and moving on, to have some good effect.
"You don't drop kick a puppy into the neighbor's yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper."
Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird
L & Baby N surprised me with these two little friends last night:
They've made themselves right at home.
I've enhanced my weekend ritual in the last few weeks. Now, when the husband & baby go down for their nap, I fill a basket with mama-goodies, grab the folding chair & something to drink, and slip right outside to the yard. Our building has a skinny strip of yard behind it. Our apartment is on an end of the building & immediate to the fire door that leads out to the yard. I'm near enough that the guys can holler out the window if they really need me. Otherwise, since the yard is rarely used, solitude is mine.
This weekend's mama-basket contains: ECOlogical day planner, my journal, Beck Diet Solution, Quest for the Living God, my commonplace book, diet journal, sketch book, assorted pens, keys, Odwalla bar, and to-do/must-remember notebook. Hmmm, am I missing anything? What goes in your basket?
Here's me (in fab new-to-me kicks from the Goodwill) in my shady spot in the yard. You can see the stairs that lead up into the building. I settle the chair in under the holly tree, drop the basket on the ground to my right, place the beverage to my left, and prop my feet up on the tree trunk.
The holly tree houses a robin family. They aren't especially fond of my company but they haven't pooped on me yet either. Can you see their nest? It's near the top of the photo, nestled in against the trunk
I'm so grateful to have my "own space" in the yard. It's like an added room on our apartment and it's essentially my personal space. I have the benefits of proximity & privacy. Privacy is rare & precious for a family in a one-bedroom apartment. But maybe all moms (all parents? all women?) wrangle with the balance between taking care of others & stuff v taking care of themselves. The proximity alleviates my distraction too - I'm not wondering if they woke up or need me for something or if I'm taking too much time away from them for myself.
In this open-air "room of her own" I am just me. I journal, make plans, daydream, recognize where I am toward my goals, read, draw & color, listen to the robin family above me.... When the guys finally wake up & come get me we're all a little more rested and ready to be together.
This blog started in 2006
on Blogger as
Out of the Attic.
I began cross-posting here in May 2009. Please visit the original site for the rest of the story on topics like:
God is the madwoman in the attic. I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, & plenty of snacks.