June 15, 2013
It's pretty intense, the difference a year makes… last year, on June 15, I posted a Self Portrait Saturday cataloging my driving fears. I hated driving. I had to be focused and hyper vigilant about every intersection and pothole. Left hand turns made me tense. The curving road down to the beach tied my tummy in knots. And don't get me started on bicyclists!
Last summer hosted a series of awakenings and initiated a series of transitions that I am still navigating and making my own this summer. I practiced single parenting while Little N's dad worked graveyard shift. We called the end of our marriage. I found friendship, support, and resonance where I didn't expect it. I found independence and strength I didn't know I had.
Last summer hosted a series of awakenings and initiated a series of transitions that I am still navigating and making my own this summer. I practiced single parenting while Little N's dad worked graveyard shift. We called the end of our marriage. I found friendship, support, and resonance where I didn't expect it. I found independence and strength I didn't know I had.
June 15, 2014
The year since then has been a hiccuping cycle of stress and relief. There's plenty of work still ahead of me. Little N's dad just signed the divorce papers and so I'm on to the next step in that process. Plus, there's money drama to resolve with phone calls and paperwork. Each challenge presents itself before me and I experience the same anxiety and hyper vigilance that a drive to the beach used to elicit.
But the year has also rendered new insights, new sources of resilience and good health, new opportunities to be myself. I've learned that I can work and mother at the same time. I have developed a renewed, special relationship with Little N. I've invested in the Beloved Therapist and Kind Naturopaths with good results in my health, sanity, and choices. I've been invited to share my concerns with friends and been met with love and support. I drive regularly now, I don't love it, but I'm grateful to be able to do it to connect with friends.
I'm optimistic that each year further from June 2013 will reveal me to be more independent, competent, and committed. Each new challenge expanding what I'm capable of: single mothering, co-parenting, working, cultivating dreams, restoring my health, connecting with family, friends, and community. The fear and newness of divorce will be replaced with familiarity and routines. And as new challenges present themselves, I'll be able to call on the strength and the adaptability of this year to help me navigate them as well.
But the year has also rendered new insights, new sources of resilience and good health, new opportunities to be myself. I've learned that I can work and mother at the same time. I have developed a renewed, special relationship with Little N. I've invested in the Beloved Therapist and Kind Naturopaths with good results in my health, sanity, and choices. I've been invited to share my concerns with friends and been met with love and support. I drive regularly now, I don't love it, but I'm grateful to be able to do it to connect with friends.
I'm optimistic that each year further from June 2013 will reveal me to be more independent, competent, and committed. Each new challenge expanding what I'm capable of: single mothering, co-parenting, working, cultivating dreams, restoring my health, connecting with family, friends, and community. The fear and newness of divorce will be replaced with familiarity and routines. And as new challenges present themselves, I'll be able to call on the strength and the adaptability of this year to help me navigate them as well.
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